I love social media. I enjoy being able to reach out to potential clients, business associates and partners, and meeting new people. However – and this is a big “but” -, I’m noticing a trend in society of late, and I’m not the only one.
Do you remember the terms “glad-handing” and “rubbing shoulders”? The uses of these terms indicate physical, social interaction, but, thanks to social media, they apply to “chatting up” people. Herein lies the issue.
As much as I love social media and what it can do for my business, it has its side affects. For instance, before we could “connect” online, everything had to be done mostly over the phone or face-to-face. In those circumstances, it’s easy to keep a professional demeanor. Business conversations are normally polite, calm affairs.
However, with the advent of the Internet in general and social media, specifically, very seldom do people have to meet on such a personal level. For instance, I communicate with my people through email and instant message generally. Some businesses use places like Twitter to communicate with their employees – “here’s your assignment” in 140 characters or less.
Because of all this, a serious decline in social interaction is starting to rear its ugly head. Maybe you’ve noticed, but if you haven’t, think about it. Where are the manners? Where is the politeness? Where is the professionalism?
Maybe it’s noticeable to me because of the type of work I do. In general, I might talk to a client over the phone – maybe – three times; otherwise, we communicate through email. What I’m seeing because of this is a serious lack of professionalism. It’s like people think they don’t have to be polite because – well, hey, they’ll never meet in person, so who cares?
Face-to-face, most people are non-confrontational, but I truly believe that they feel they’re safe behind emails, short messages, instant message and the like. If they’re safe, if there is no threat (implied or imagined) as there is in public, they can say what they want without consequences.
Time and again over the past few years, I have had potential clients email me, using a tone that I wouldn’t use on my worst enemy. No matter how I respond, it only seems to make them more belligerent. There doesn’t seem to be anything I can say or do, and I’m stuck, staring in confusion and surprised at their sudden hostility, with no idea how it got there in the first place. In one instance, I swear, all I did was send them a project agreement; they sent me a scathing email!
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Isn’t it ironic? While we’re embracing the excel of social media technology, at the same time we’re losing the human touch, the ethics, sometimes, the skill as well. Something for us all to ponder. Thanks for sharing.
@wchingya
Social Media/Blogging
Hello Ching sad but true… sometimes I wonder if we did bring this on ourselves? Personally I think the rude, unprofessional people have always been there the difference is now we get to see them up-close because of the Internet.
Could not agree more. And you think people would be more cautious since it’s so difficult to detect tone over the internet, but they aren’t. I’ve even had people go so far as to refuse to continue a conversation over the phone because they’d rather be rude via email instead. It’s crazy! And it bothers me that people get away with it. But I can’t let that undermine everything I believe about professionalism.
Hi,
I think you are highlighting an interesting point here. A few years ago, I assisted to a presentation where a student at the master degree level inquired about the quality of the “touch” in current Massotherapy versus 20 years ago. She highlighted the fact that the “quality” of the touch has deteriorated since massotherapy became more accessible to the mass and more popular. The uniqueness and deepness of the physical treatment contact had lots a bit of its luster.
I am making a parallel between “Social Media” and the “quality of the interactions”. This quality is sometimes being overcome by the “frequency” of the interactions. I sometimes see it as a real but parallel world. As a social media specialist myself, I use social media in my personal and professional way, daily. And I notice that loss of “professionalism” that sometimes can only be justified by the fact that we become “all close” per default, as we “follow” each other (and I am talking from a Montreal perspective here) as we know each other offline and online. Thus, we use less of the Formal tone of voice sometimes, but we still use it at some point.
I agree Gabriella. Social interaction is changing. Whether or not it’s for the better is up for debate.
On one hand, the fact that global communication is so easy, fast, and accessible now makes connectivity so interesting and dynamic. On the other, so many people are losing sight of the importance of personal interaction.
Perhaps someone should develop a strategy for maintaining face to face relationships as well as those shared over user names.
Great post! I’ve fought to be as much myself on online networking sites as possible. However, when limited to typed words on a page and static photos that do little more than show you from different social angles, it’s hard to “know” people or judge their character or composure.
I’ve found it easy to adopt a “persona” on Twitter that talks smack and calls people out on the carpet, but a lot of the bravado and the snark comes from the fact that I’m comfortable with the people I interact with on a daily basis in my Twitter stream. When I didn’t know anyone, timid and shy like the new girl at a high school party, I tended to be safe in my interactions. Nothing that could rock the boat, polite and sterilized with my responses and posts. After getting to know people in the Denver/Boulder area, I’ve released my inner quirk. I’m not afraid to jest and tease. However, I don’t rely on Twitter to bring me potential clients, and I make it very clear that LinkedIn, Biznik and other professional business sites is where I can be found for professional endeavors.
When interacting on a professional basis, I’ve found it best to adopt Jane Austen like poise in crafting emails and written interactions. A “Dear Gentle Reader” approach may seem all fluff and flower but people still look for and expect the epitome of gentility from professionals. While it is cool to speak in LOLcat and give short rants on what annoys you the most in your Facebook status, the things put out there for business should have black tie polish.
IMHO, it’s perfectly ok to refuse to interact with clients, potential or retained, via virtual methods if their emails and messages irritate. Specify that you will only take phone calls for inquiries about projects and more involved discussions need to happen face-to-face. I don’t like unsolicited advice or criticism, and I’ve transferred all poise and manners I’ve learned in the professional dance world. No one wants to interact or participate in dance lessons with someone who is ungroomed, snobbish, sarcastic or insensitive. That goes for the teacher *and* the student.
/rant ^_^
Great perspective. Let me ask you this. What if you don’t know them personally? Have you found the “professionalism” lacking? I know I have, maybe it’s the economy or maybe people are just stressed regardless, they are your friends when things are going well, or they need something in less than 24 hours. It gets ugly (no kidding) almost Jekyll & Mr. Hyde when they are under pressure. I can only speak for myself obviously but, a few freelance writers I use have voiced the same opinions. Maybe we should all move to Canada, seems business is booming and people are just nicer aye?
I’ve worked with the general public in several capacities, and it seemed to be a given that I’d deal with irate, unhappy or rude people. When it comes to business interactions, though, I had always thought reputation was important – including the reputation of how you deal with business partners. The continuing trend towards rude, unprofessional communications astounds me.
I know I’m a stickler for politeness – IMHO, there is never any reason to be rude or disrespectful, no matter how mad you get. However, I guess I always assumed there were unspoken “rules” in business communications. Sadly, it seems the only rule is “I can say whatever I want, however I want, as long as we never meet face to face”.
My question is, is the rudeness there in face to face business communication as well?
I actually love your analogy. True the car and anonymity are a bit skewed but the psychology is clear. You can shoot someone the bird or even spit on them (actually had that happen) and no one will usually do anything about it. In my case I chased the guy up a SF hill cut him off parked my car & I was ready to kill him. Needless to say as soon as I approached his driver window he rolled it up and called the cops screaming there is a mad woman ready to kill me. I was ready for the cops to show up…Make a long story short, he took off before the police came. I have never gotten over that and I still talk about it. So maybe it’s different but the feeling is the same. I will always remember the client that wants to sue me because I refused to take him on as a client including the guy that spit on my car window.
Isn’t that amazing what being behind a keyboard can do to a demeanor & or how it can wipe all class & professionalism away. Most people are pretty cool with email interaction, but I have found I have had to learn a new way to curb the conversation with words to bring it back to a “professional” level. Where you hope in theory, we can have conversation in a non-demeaning fashion. IF that is even possible. Some people are doomed to sink into the bottomless, classless pool. NOW if we could only ban ALL CAPS being abused by these people, we could save the world.
Very interesting & thought provoking post. And so true.
I believe the phenomenon has everything to do with anonymity. I’ll give you an example. Let’s liken using the phone or in-person communications to going to our local supermarket and navigating our cart through the supermarket. You see people face to face in the supermarket. You may not know any of them, but you could at some point and so you are generally polite.
And we can compare emails & IMs more to driving our vehicles and navigating traffic. It’s the feeling of being anonymous that allows so many drivers to show their worst possible behavior in traffic where they cut people off & give obscene gestures as they bully their way through. Why? No repercussions – no one knows them. Of course, my analogy doesn’t totally work here because you know the person you communicate with via email, but yes, I agree that they feel “safe” to act like jerks and probably wouldn’t dream of doing the same in person. It’s a shame.
Come on Heather you REALLY CANNOT STAND CAPS? lolol My sister always sends me emails with caps in them. I am still not clear it’s not like she doesn’t get it, its her way of getting my attention. As irritating as it is. Classless with no shame…thanks for dropping by.
Biting your tongue sometimes is worth the peace. I heard once the tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people can hold it. Thanks for dropping by.
I was actually told we brought this on ourselves. By the mere advancement of technology, we have become immune to rudeness and humanity… hum what do you say to that?
I cannot remember that commercial, but I could have been in Europe at the time. You are right we have been vying for impersonal but not unprofessional.
Years ago, before the Internet, there was a commercial from United Airlines about getting back in touch with the customer. One of the major clients fired the company because they were ‘out of touch’. It seemed that a phone call was too impersonal so the boss handed out airline tickets to all of his sales people to go see their clients. The boss took his ticket and flew to see the client that just fired them. It was an effective commercial, I remember it 20+ yeaars after the fact. Don’t blame the Internet. We started trending towards impersonal long before the Internet came on the scene.